Women are sick of asking nicely and finally were being heard

August 21, 2021 â€" 5.00am

When I was a young advertising copywriter, I attended a meeting. It was an internal meeting to brainstorm a difficult problem the agency was having with an important client. I was the only woman in the room and although I had worked for the company for a few years, I was still regarded as quite junior. Nevertheless, I had worked hard and my ads had won some awards.

Our boss called for ideas and a few were offered. All were discussed respectfully. Then, as we analysed the issue, I had a sudden thought. I voiced it. All the men in the room turned to look at me, but not in a good way.

What is changing, and changing rapidly, is that a growing number of women, both young and old, are claiming their own power. Credit:iStock

I blushed. It had seemed like a good idea to me but obviously, from the reaction I was getting, I was wrong. Then, a beat or two later, the boss spoke up. Indeed, he repeated what I had just said virtually word for word. The men in the room then all turned to him and greeted what was now being called his idea with enthusiasm and admiration. I felt as if I was made of glass, as if I did not really exist.

It was an awful moment.

For decades, I assumed that experience was unique to me and, while I was outraged by the behaviour of the men in the room, I internalised the insult. And that had an effect. I learnt to be tentative, prefacing any idea I might have with “You’ve probably already thought about this …” to protect myself from another such moment.

I’d always been told I talked too much and that I was difficult and “opinionated”. Indeed, I was quick to voice my thoughts. I thought that was what I was paid for but knew it irritated a lot of people. I knew I didn’t conform to “acceptable” female behaviour â€" remember, this was the ’80s.

Even now, at the ripe old age of 64, having been a feminist for as long as I can remember, it never ceases to surprise me how easily I absorbed the very same misogyny and sexism I thought I was fighting.

For those who want to keep the power dynamics as they were, this is dangerous and frightening. I think it’s wonderful.

I thought my consciousness had been raised, but it wasn’t until I watched Annabel Crabb’s documentary series Ms Represented that I really understood that my experience was not even unusual. The program’s powerful montage of women politicians of all political stripes repeating the same experience â€" that of having their idea ignored when they said it, and celebrated when a bloke did â€" opened my eyes. It wasn’t just me, after all. It was just common-or-garden-variety sexism and misogyny in the workplace. The relief I felt, even after all this time, surprised me.

The #MeToo movement has had the same effect. Now that women have unfettered access to the public conversation thanks to social media, we have learnt to listen to ourselves and, most importantly, to one another. What we used to hide, we now expose.

This is important, not only because it makes the world a little safer for the vulnerable and a little more dangerous for the predatory, but because it enables women to stop undermining and doubting themselves. We no longer automatically absorb the blame.

This is a power shift of profound importance. Once sexism is externalised, it is on life support. What is changing, and changing rapidly, is that a growing number of women, both young and old, are claiming their own power.

There is nothing new about sexual harassment and assault. What is new is courageous young women like Brittany Higgins, Saxon Mullins and Grace Tame refusing to shut up or back down, even if it means standing up to the prime minister. Nor is there anything new about women being unfairly bullied out of their jobs. What is new is brave older women such as Julia Banks, Elaine Stead and Christine Holgate calling out the bullying and refusing to go quietly.

Women are sick of asking nicely. They are demanding to be listened to, and they are being heard. For those who want to keep the power dynamics as they were, this is dangerous and frightening. I think it’s wonderful.

This article appears in Sunday Life magazine within the Sun-Herald and the Sunday Age on sale August 22. To read more from Sunday Life, visit The Sydney Morning Herald and The Age.

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Jane Caro is a novelist, author, commentator and award winning advertising writer. She appears regularly on Weekend Sunrise, Channel 9 Mornings and Gruen Planet.

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